Delj, Mon Feb 18 2019, 04:26PM

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, then U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist divorced. They had fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center. They charged a three-year-old
with resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory, but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

SCM ALERT🚨, Mon Feb 18 2019, 04:33PM

Good ones Delj! Good reading for when your sitting on Hwy 38 for 6 hours. Takes the bite off

©ammy ⭐, Mon Feb 18 2019, 08:05PM

I'm sure I learned English when I was little - it has so many quirks!

Cap'n Crunch, Mon Feb 18 2019, 10:05PM

Hey Dell. Knowing you, I bet that anti-gravity book was by Isaac Asimov.

MrOwl, Tue Feb 19 2019, 05:25AM

Haven't heard many of those.

NShore.Allen, Tue Feb 19 2019, 06:37AM

Yes I can roast beef but won’t pea soup.

Delj, Tue Feb 19 2019, 08:51PM

Keep them coming!