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Socalmountains.com :: Forums :: JOKES & FUNNY/STUPID STORIES
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LEXOPHILIA

Author Post
Delj
Mon Feb 18 2019, 04:26PM Email Thread Print View
Registered Member #905
Joined: Fri Oct 05 2007, 10:18AM
:
Posts: 2048
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, then U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist divorced. They had fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center. They charged a three-year-old
with resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory, but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.


To every man is given the key to the gates of heaven; the same key opens the gates of hell.
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SCM ALERT🚨
Mon Feb 18 2019, 04:33PM

Automated Alert Robot

Joined: Wed Dec 26 2007, 08:50PM
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Posts: 3048
Good ones Delj! Good reading for when your sitting on Hwy 38 for 6 hours. Takes the bite off

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©ammy ⭐
Mon Feb 18 2019, 08:05PM


Joined: Sat Aug 19 2006, 06:01PM
:
Posts: 12944
I'm sure I learned English when I was little - it has so many quirks!
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Cap'n Crunch
Mon Feb 18 2019, 10:05PM

Registered Member #12800
Joined: Tue Jan 05 2016, 09:02PM
:
Posts: 299
Hey Dell. Knowing you, I bet that anti-gravity book was by Isaac Asimov.

Tim (KE6PMA)
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MrOwl
Tue Feb 19 2019, 05:25AM

Registered Member #13568
Joined: Sun Oct 23 2016, 01:54PM
:
Posts: 1430
Haven't heard many of those.

----------------------------
Meridian Idaho Weather

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McCall Idaho Weather

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NShore.Allen
Tue Feb 19 2019, 06:37AM

wanna be UTH
Registered Member #4616
Joined: Sat Jul 28 2012, 04:37PM
:
Posts: 2239
Yes I can roast beef but won’t pea soup.

A smile is a curve that can set things a lot of things straight
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Delj
Tue Feb 19 2019, 08:51PM
Registered Member #905
Joined: Fri Oct 05 2007, 10:18AM
:
Posts: 2048
Keep them coming!

To every man is given the key to the gates of heaven; the same key opens the gates of hell.
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Missouri Sunni
May 23 : 02:42pm
Wow. We've just got tornados, hail, heavy rain and floods. Kind of fun to all get in the Big Guy's Mancave and watch the weather channel. Just 60 miles from us the state capital Jefferson City had a really bad tornado and killed 3 people. They are facing another one as I write.

NShore.Allen
May 23 : 02:23pm
here's a picture from my balcony this morning, up Fawnskin Dr

[Click Here]

BootsNBridles
May 23 : 11:12am
Very strange driving up the mountain last night in heavy snow. At the end of May. Thank heavens it wasn't sticking.

Carter
May 23 : 11:10am
Nevermind! me being gullible again.

Carter
May 23 : 10:48am


Carter
May 23 : 10:48am
Idyllwild got 5 inches, but in BB, no snow for most. :9(

LoveTheView
May 23 : 10:37am
Daffodils were great this year, just gone about a week ago. Planted them in the fall, divided among all kinds of other plants. I think they help keep the gophers away (well, I hope).

Lumber Jill ⭐
May 23 : 10:37am
I stand corrected. Apparently tulips are mildly toxic.

Lumber Jill ⭐
May 23 : 10:33am
Tulips aren't toxic. Daffodils are. I plant them whenever the companies ship them to me. I think it's Oct.

ChillyBeans
May 23 : 10:29am
IDKnothin for our zone, usually in early to mid October

IDKnothin
May 23 : 10:25am
I was thinking more in line with the toxic tulip.

IDKnothin
May 23 : 10:24am
(I just discovered Joker is a bulb - hah, I didn’t know)

IDKnothin
May 23 : 10:22am
Back to the bulb planting time line ...
In the fall - when would you stick those jokers in the ground?
Anyone ??

SCM ALERT🚨
May 23 : 08:22am
Polar Orbit.... that system is ongoing maintenance.. Its coming back as a timelapse and firewatch system in the coming weeks. Please ignore that error. Thanks!

SCM ALERT🚨
May 23 : 07:53am
San Moritz Structure Fire: Fire Has Been Knocked Down - Extensive Overhaul - Will Need All Utilities To Respond More Info: [Click Here]



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