Current Weather @ 1:37 PM overcast - light rain Temp 41.4º Humidity 76% Winds WSW 14.0mph Max Gust 24.2mph
Todays Extremes High 43.7º Low 29.4º Rain 0.00" Rain Rate 0.000" per hr Snow 0.00" Season 86"
LATEST ALERTS (whats this?)

(Click alert for more info)
Welcome
Username:

Password:


Remember me

[ ]
[ ]
ROADS AND TRAFFIC
Updated: 01:30 PM v2.1
Big Bear to Highland (330): 53 mins  
Highland to Big Bear (330): 49 mins  
Big Bear to Redlands  (38): 70 mins  
Redlands to Big Bear  (38): 69 mins  
Big Bear to Lucerne    (18): 36 mins  
Lucerne to Big Bear    (18): 36 mins  
=Light  =Moderate  =Heavy Traffic
Road Conditions Page: Click Here
Online
Guests: 440, Members: 7 ...
bernermom
SnowAngel
Rad Cabin
HazMatMind
SSJ2012
MrOwl

most ever online: 1740
(Members: 37, Guests: 1703) on Feb 22 : 08:23am

Members: 5512
Newest member: SawmilllCove81
SUPPORT SCM!
Support SCM by making a single or recurring donation.

Member's Birthdays:
Happy Birthday to:

Birthday Cake
Judy


Upcoming Birthdays:
May 27 Olaf
May 27 Sarah Bear
May 28 skypros
May 28 angie4him
May 28 Richard
May 28 justOGkush
Forums
Socalmountains.com :: Forums :: JOKES & FUNNY/STUPID STORIES
<< Previous thread | Next thread >>   

Court Reporters

Author Post
MrOwl
Tue Mar 28 2017, 03:58PM Email Thread Print View

Registered Member #13568
Joined: Sun Oct 23 2016, 01:54PM
:
Posts: 1430
HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
___________________________________ _________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
___________________________________ _________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
___________________________________ __
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________ ________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________ _

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________ ________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
___________________________________ ______
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
___________________________________ _________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new
attorney?
___________________________________ _________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________ ________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
___________________________________ __
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
___________________________________ ___
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
___________________________________ ______
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
___________________________________ ______
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
___________________________________ _________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

___________________________________ ___
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law.



----------------------------
Meridian Idaho Weather

[Click Here]

McCall Idaho Weather

[Click Here]
Back to top
NShore.Allen
Tue Mar 28 2017, 09:46PM

wanna be UTH
Registered Member #4616
Joined: Sat Jul 28 2012, 04:37PM
:
Posts: 2240


A smile is a curve that can set things a lot of things straight
Back to top

Moderators: Craig ⭐, ©ammy ⭐, Lumber Jill ⭐, Mtngoat John⭐, Deb Doodah⭐, SCM ALERT🚨, Benny ⭐, Socalmountains Admin, ⚡WX ALERT⚡

Jump:     Back to top

Powered by e107 Forum System
Chatbox
You must be logged in to post comments on this site - please either log in or if you are not registered click here to signup


BBNona
May 26 : 11:24am
Red October is one of my all time favorite s and anything by Tom Clancy. I also like Vince Flynn and Michael Connelly, the Lincoln Lawyer author!!

BootsNBridles
May 26 : 07:36am
Simba is slightly bigger and more aggressive than the Cookster.

Lumber Jill ⭐
May 26 : 06:58am
If you look right now, Simba is closer to the camera. You can see Cookies grey shoulders. Also note that they are starting to help themselves to food

Lumber Jill ⭐
May 26 : 06:39am
For now, when they are sitting side-by-side, Simba appears darker because his feathers are a touch more developed. Cookie still has some grey down in his shoulders. But that will last only for maybe the next week.

Fawnskindawn
May 26 : 06:19am
Finally got a close look at the bands. Simba is on the left right now. Nice to be able to tell tem apart. The are growing up so fast

Cap'n Crunch
May 25 : 11:16pm
It's a tossup between Mitch Rapp and Jack Reacher for the best modern-day Paladin.

sparman
May 25 : 10:18pm
Tom Clancy is a great writer. Any Vince Flynn fans out there?

Hugereilly
May 25 : 10:16pm
"Be careful. Most things in here don't react well to bullets." Yeah-like me.
Jack Ryan

Benny ⭐
May 25 : 10:04pm
Duh, a classic! Red October!

IDKnothin
May 25 : 09:46pm
One of my favorite movies, after this one ....
“One ping only, please.”

sparman
May 25 : 09:12pm
BTW, the 5:52 movie reference was Patriot Games.
No takers...

sparman
May 25 : 08:55pm
77 Sunset Strip
Edd Byrnes!

Polar Orbit
May 25 : 08:37pm
Ten points for Charles!

Charles
May 25 : 08:10pm
Is Kookie the guy with the comb?

SCM ALERT🚨
May 25 : 07:58pm
First name: Oreo
Last name: Cookie



(C)2002-2018 Socalmountains.com
All Rights Reserved
Privacy Policy Terms of Service
Contact Us

{THEMEDISCLAIMER}